Love Overflowing

Betrayed again…but with a better mindset.

on January 25, 2010

My body doesn’t work the way it should. The fact that I had to go through IVF to conceive Emily proves that. Not only were we not able to conceive on our own but my body did not produce breast milk to feed my own child. It was a rude awakening with Emily. Never had I imagined that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed her. It was a trying experience to say the least. The first two weeks of Emily’s life was both joyous and disappointing at the same time. I really wanted to be able to feed her. After many trips to the lactation consultant, we came to realize that she wasn’t getting any milk. With much sorrow, I succumbed and threw in the towel.

I went into the breastfeeding realm with Zachary with a whole different attitude. I was going to try to breastfeed but if it didn’t work, it didn’t work. It’s just food. Not love. Formula is not poison. Zachary latched on immediately and I could tell that he was getting colostrum. I had high hopes but realistic hopes. I would give it some time and see how it went. I was not opposed to supplementing my son. After issues with wet diapers, we decided to supplement on the last day in the hospital. I was continuing to breastfeed but wanted to make sure that he was getting what he needed in the meantime. Hoping that my milk would still come in.

I decided to be proactive. I got some Mother’s Milk Tea and Fenugreek. I was going to try to help the process along. Zachary continued to receive anything I was producing as well as some formula. And I was okay with that. A totally different story than the experience with Emily.

I am producing a little milk, not enough to sustain him, but some. The only reason is the Fenugreek. I am afraid that as soon as I stop taking it I will dry up. I continue to breastfeed before we give him a bottle. I know that he is getting the nutrition he needs as well as some added bonus from me. Every little bit of liquid gold is better than nothing. I know I won’t continue this forever but I want to do what I can for now.

Even though my body betrayed me yet again, I am in a better place. I know that Zachary is getting the nutrition that he needs and that is what counts. Everything else is just bonus.


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